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The Onion always has a good time with Duncan.
His personality makes it too easy for them to go off.
They've done a few that have made me laugh.
Tim Duncan's Sincere Apology Confuses Referee Enough To Eject Him From Game
April 19, 2007 | Issue 43•16 | Onion Sports
DALLAS—Baffled by Tim Duncan's unexpected sincerity in apologizing following a technical foul, NBA official Joey Crawford responded by issuing Duncan a second technical and ejecting him from the game. "I don't know what the he was trying to pull with that gentle tone of voice and that at ude of heartfelt honesty, but I wasn't about to fall for it," Crawford told reporters after being asked about reacting so strongly to Duncan's attempt at shaking hands and putting the incident behind them both. "I'm pretty sure Duncan was really saying he wanted to punch me." Following the game, Crawford was arrested for assault after attacking a concession-stand employee who gave him a free hot dog in what Crawford claims was an attempt to make him "look cheap."
edit: Changed le to match the thread, not considered hijacked.
Last edited by rasho8; 02-27-2008 at 02:41 PM.
The Onion always has a good time with Duncan.
His personality makes it too easy for them to go off.
They've done a few that have made me laugh.
Another one of their great ones on Duncan:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news..._for_cavaliers
Tim Duncan Rooting For Cavaliers For Good Of NBA
June 7, 2007 | Onion Sports
SAN ANTONIO—San Antonio Spurs All-Star center Tim Duncan told reporters yesterday that he is rooting for the Cleveland Cavaliers to win this year's NBA Finals, stating that a Cavaliers victory is "exactly what the NBA needs right now."
"They're an exciting team, a breath of fresh air, and with the way this year's playoffs have gone, something interesting definitely needs to happen," said Duncan, adding that with the Cavaliers in the Finals people will "finally have a reason to watch [the NBA]." "Since the Western Conference immediately became dull when the Phoenix Suns were eliminated, the league has been gasping for a team that transcends basketball and appeals to the casual fan."
"Quite frankly, if the Cavs win, I really don't know who loses," Duncan added.
According to Duncan, one of the main reasons he wants the Cavaliers to win the championship is so that Cleveland small forward LeBron James has a chance to flourish in the national spotlight.
"LeBron has a certain magnetism a lot of other players don't have," Duncan said. "Not only is he the best player on his team, but he is also charismatic, which is rare. He's the only player I can think of that the league can market on a global scale, but the only way the NBA can do that is if Cleveland wins the le. Fingers crossed that they do."
Though Duncan said it would be optimal for James to hit a game-winning jumper in the closing seconds of Game 7 to win the championship, he stated it would be equally beneficial for the league if James simply dominates from the outset of Game 1, is given the opportunity to show off his tremendous athletic ability, and sends his opponents home early.
"No matter what, an NBA Finals that ends in a Cavaliers victory will be fun to watch," Duncan said. "Much more fun than a bunch of guys with no real personality playing good, fundamental basketball, which is basically the type of thing you can expect from mind-numbing teams like the Pistons and the Jazz."
"Most important," Duncan said, "the league needs a team that inspires kids to get out on the court, run up and down and take the ball to the basket—not a team that dumps it into their big man and lets him do all the work. That's why I didn't root for the Miami Heat last year."
"Go Cavs!" added Duncan, who then put on a LeBron James jersey and a Cavaliers cap.
Duncan isn't the only one in the Spurs organization openly rooting for the Cavaliers. Coach Greg Popovich, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, and team owner Peter Holt all agreed that a Cavaliers victory would be an excellent story for the league.
"The NBA has been looking for a premier team since Michael Jordan led the Bulls to six NBA championships," Popovich said. "Truthfully, I couldn't even tell you what teams have won NBA les since."
In addition to current players and league officials, former players such as Dennis Rodman, Sean Elliot, and David Robinson have come out backing the Cavaliers. Even fans from cities other than Cleveland have voiced their support.
"To be honest, in the past couple of years I have watched more college basketball than the NBA," said San Antonio resident Derek Hill. "But there's something about the Cavaliers that gives me a reason to keep watching them, something that really draws me in. They're really a lot of, you know, what's the word… Fun."
One more...rasho8 forgive me if I'm highjacking your thread.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/54212
Tim Duncan Releases Decade Worth Of Pent-Up Emotion After Spurs Preseason Loss
October 19, 2006 | Onion Sports
SAN ANTONIO—Star Spurs center Tim Duncan has issued a public apology for his "unacceptable, inexcusable behavior" last Saturday night following a preseason loss to the Orlando Magic, saying that frustration and disappointment with his low-scoring, six-rebound performance caused "ten years' worth of unexpressed emotions to burst out of me like… like something I don't even know what."
No criminal charges, police reports, or even complaints have been filed against Duncan, who was last seen leaving the Alamodome after giving what reporters are terming "mildly animated" answers to their post-game questions at a "slightly elevated" volume.
"I simply lost control during my post-game comments, and I did not give the press the full half-hour they are en led to," said Duncan, who is on record as calling the Spurs' play during the game "bad," "real bad," "awful," and "very, very bad indeed" several times over the course of the 28 minutes he spent with reporters. "Anyone who knows me knows I never use language like that. I can only ask the city of San Antonio to forgive me for my outburst and give me a second chance."
"I was angry," Duncan added. "I even felt mad. I never want to go through that again."
Duncan claims that, after speaking to reporters, he was filled with a level of emotion that caused his memory to become unclear. However, Duncan is fairly certain that he turned away from reporters after insufficiently thanking them for the interview, walked to the parking lot with unusual briskness, and climbed into his car in a blatantly agitated fashion.
Witnesses' accounts bear out Duncan's version of events, with several onlookers saying Duncan "slammed" the door of his 1992 Buick LeSabre closed before driving off. Spurs guard Tony Parker, whose car was near Duncan's, denied rumors that Duncan was muttering grumpily to himself, but said Duncan did exhale audibly twice while getting his car keys out.
"Looking back on it, I think he was sighing in a frustrated or even exasperated manner," Parker said. "I thought about saying something, but I didn't know what. I'd never seen him like that. Frankly, I was a little scared."
"I should not have driven in that condition," said Duncan, who has implored the children of San Antonio not to emulate his actions or regard them as "cool." "I know better than to operate a motor vehicle while upset or in a highly emotional state of mind, but I did it anyway. I only wish I had exercised the self-restraint to let it go at that."
Traffic cameras tracked Duncan traveling from the Alamodome at up to seven miles per hour over the speed limit, twice driving through yellow lights, to a convenience store near his home, where the store's security cameras show him purchasing highly caffeinated beverages and several unhealthy snacks. A clerk at the store says Duncan consumed three of the soft drinks in his car while listening to barely audible music on his car's radio before driving off several minutes later.
Duncan's mid-'90s four-door sedan was found in the parking lot of his nondescript apartment building Sunday morning, having impacted a tree at what insurance company investigators say was an "extremely low" rate of speed, inflicting almost $140 worth of damage to the car during what they say seems to be an abortive attempt to park while slightly jittery from an excess of mild sugar stimulants.
"I do not wish to discuss that at this time," Duncan said. "I'm just glad no one was hurt while I was experimenting with Coke, or Pepsi, or root beer, or whatever it was. I just remember going into my apartment, turning on the television, unblocking Showtime, and calling up a few girls from church to say ' o' and 'how are you doing.' Frankly I'm mortified, and in light of my actions, I wouldn't blame them for being cross with me in return. I was brought up to respect women, not to place telephone calls to them at what might possibly be well past their bedtimes."
Duncan recalls nothing else until 9:30 the next morning, when he woke up two hours late, unshaven, and dressed in unusually brightly colored clothing. Duncan immediately contacted the police, and was relieved to find he had in fact broken no laws.
Duncan has assigned himself 120 hours of community service working in hospitals, neighborhood improvement projects, and on highway-beautification crews for his "reckless endangerment" of the people of San Antonio.
"I promise you," the dry-eyed Duncan said in an unusually well-modulated voice, "you will never see anything like that from me again."
WOW.......I never ever heard of this. I still dont know what he was upset about? What gives? and why wasnt this all over the news?
@ angry Duncan
really good
i miss that duncan..
the angry one..
(the one in the video, not in the report)
-David
The media just tried to keep it under wraps so Duncan wouldn't earn any street cred. They always do that. I saw him punch a baby once after missing a free throw.
Damn it, why did I
Dude, where the are you sitting at the game on Saturday?Damn it, why did I
- Threadjack.
I still don't know.
Guys you are missing the best one, after last years finals:
August 30, 2007
Tim Duncan Staring At Wall Right Now
SAN ANTONIO—Two-time NBA MVP Tim Duncan has been sitting in his living room next to his packed gym bag and clad in his Spurs warm-up jersey for the past three months, concerned teammates reported Monday. "I called him several times and he didn't pick up," said guard Tony Parker. "And when I got worried enough to go look through his window, I saw him just sitting there. I'm pretty sure he's conscious and not in any pain, but it doesn't look like he's moved since late June." The Spurs front office confirmed that Duncan requested a call at midnight on Oct. 1 to ensure he did not miss the first day of training camp.
My favorite, though it's not about Tim.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news..._perkins_under
Funny stuff, funny stuff.
On a second note...Can't get enough of that Yinka Dare video.
Really, how many of you remember Yinka Dare?
Sorry also I'll post another funny article http://www.theonion.com/content/news...anning_looking
They're at it again.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news...nion_rss_daily
Tim Duncan Sends Belated 'Great Game' Card To Celtics For February Defeat
Onion Sports
SAN ANTONIO—Weeks after the Spurs 98-90 loss to the Celtics on Feb. 10, power forward Tim Duncan sent personalized notes to each player on the Celtics roster, the entire coaching staff, the general manager, and owner, congratulating them for a "great game." "This would have gotten to you sooner if I had sent one card to the entire organization, but I felt that would diminish everyone's individual accomplishments," said Duncan, who sealed the envelopes with his personal crest embossed in wax. "I just wanted to let them know how much I appreciated everyone from the players to the front office. The Celtics did a splendid job, and I'm really proud of them." Although Duncan said he was conflicted as whether to write the notes using a pen or brush, he finally decided to use his favorite, a quill dipped in sable India ink, a time-consuming penmanship method that Duncan feels looks best on his heavy handmade paper.
Always the gentleman, Duncan is.
Wouldn't be surprised if Garnett responded by sending back a mutilated Coyote-doll head.
This one is hilarious. I can just see Tim Duncan sitting in a dark house in his Spurs uniform staring into space, not eating, sleeping, blinking or moving for three months just waiting to get back on the basketball court. haha
Thanks for the mental image.
February 28, 2008
Mark Cuban To New Maverick Jason Kidd: 'I'm Open'
DALLAS—Upon seeing that no one on the opposing team had picked him up in transition, Mavericks owner Mark Cuban repeatedly called for newly acquired point guard Jason Kidd to pass him the ball during the All-Star's first home game with the team Monday. "Gimme the ball! Gimme the ball!" said Cuban, waving his arms and jumping up and down behind the Maverick's bench. "Pass me the rock! I'm on an island here... Ball! Ball! Ball! Hey, J-Kidd, over here! I'm wide open! Come on, damn it, ball!" Cuban, who displayed his frustration by stealing a pass intended for power forward Dirk Nowitzki and returning to his seat, finished his third straight game with zero points and two technical fouls.
June 21, 2007
Tim Duncan Delivers Heartfelt Speech On Fiscal Responsibility During Spurs Victory Celebration
SAN ANTONIO—Following a Spurs Sunday victory parade during which Tim Duncan regaled the crowd with uncharacteristically exuberant exclamations of "Thank you very much" and "Please, there's no need to make so much noise," the normally reserved power forward expressed his appreciation for his fans by speaking at length on the importance of being financially prepared in an increasingly uncertain world. "I can't tell you how much I value your support except through telling you it's not really enough to keep a little money in savings for a rainy day, never independently contributing to your 401(k) or considering simple CDs or mutual-funds," a misty-eyed Duncan said, using charts he drew up earlier in the season to demonstrate debt-to- savings ratios to the 12,000 fans who crowded the River Walk. "Your greatest equity will of course be in your home, but even then, careful consideration is required before choosing between fixed- or variable-rate mortgages, especially for the greatest fans in the world." Fans who stayed for the 90-minute speech said it was even better than the emotional plea Duncan made during the Spurs' 2003 championship celebration, in which he urged revelers to make sure they purchased adequate life insurance.
this has always been my favorite and always will be.. mostly because Bill Walton is a giant frakkin hippy
November 30, 2006
Bill Walton Spends Entire Lakers Broadcast Gushing About His Son
LOS ANGELES—Bill Walton, the former NBA Most Valuable Player and popular current NBA broadcaster, spent the entire running time of Tuesday night's Milwaukee Bucks–Los Angeles Lakers game lavishing praise and affection on his son Luke, a Lakers small forward.
"Just look at my big boy Luke standing tall and proud," Walton said during the visiting team introductions, ignoring the on-screen graphics displaying the career stats of Bucks All-Star guard Michael Redd. "While my mentor, shaman, and spirit guide John Wooden taught me 99.999 percent of almost everything I knew about the greatest sport in the world, Luke taught me everything else—and even more about that greatest game of all—the ceaseless jubilant dance of the great ever-turning mandala of Life. Truly, the boy is father to the man. The boy is father to the man."
"Nice pass!" Walton added, as Luke found himself boxed in at the post and kicked the ball back out to the top of the key, where Lamar Odom's jump shot put the Lakers up 11-9. "Nice pass indeed."
"It does my old heart good to see Luke keep on truckin' in this big old City of Angels, where I made such fond memories in a different era and learned for myself, like the great poet Bob Dylan once asked a heartbroken nation, how many roads a man must walk down before they could call him a man," Walton continued, as the second quarter of play began with the score already an astounding 67-44 in favor of the Lakers. "Yes, I may indeed be suffering from a 'touch of gray,' as the great Jerry Garcia once said, but with the sight of my pride, my joy, and my only true immortality before me, I will get by."
"Oh, yes! Throw it down, big man! Throw it down!" Walton said in a rare acknowledgment of on-court events as Luke Walton scored two of his 14 points on a wobbly lay-up. "It's just possible that that was absolutely the smoothest and most fundamentally sound shot that I've witnessed yet this decade. Truly, the student has become a master in his own right, and the apple has not fallen far from the gnarled, wizened tree with two bad ankles I've become."
"Why, it was just a week or so ago, I was watching the great John Fogerty sing 'Fortunate Son' for the good people during the halftime show of our Thanksgiving holiday," Walton continued, as Kobe Bryant collided with Milwaukee center Dan Gadzuric, suffered brutal compound twin spiral fractures of his right fibula and tibia, and was carried off the floor with his career almost certainly over and his prospects of walking again in doubt. "And I thought to myself: Neither you nor I, Mr. Fogerty, you faded sage of a more innocent yet equally doomed epoch, neither you nor I are fortunate sons. But I hope my Luke is."
"Looks like we're ready to get going again after the interruption," Walton added as the last of Bryant's blood was mopped up and the younger Walton inbounded the ball. "Nice pass."
"I couldn't give him the world without war my generation wanted so badly for his, but I tried to raise that boy right, and I share this with all the fathers, sons, mothers, daughters, and—and everyone out there with a family," Walton added as play stopped for almost 15 minutes while a Bengal tiger, brought in as part of the Lakers' floor show, escaped and brutally savaged seven audience members. "We are all fortunate to have one another. Your team can be your family, and I played on a lot of close teams, but Luke, Adam, and Nathan, and Chris, they're my Omega Point. And what's more, they're my actual family."
"Yes, I'm their father," Walton added. "They're my sons. And Luke, my son, is playing his heart out tonight."
"Thanks for joining myself and Snapper Jones for this meeting of the Bucks and Lakers, the team for which my boy Luke has become a man right before your very eyes and mine—eyes he'll steal right off your face if you're not careful, but that's all right… the future belongs to him," Walton said as the broadcast concluded. "To him and all the fine young men everywhere, blessed be them all. Amaste."
The Bucks won the game, 109-105. Luke Walton finished with 14 points and seven rebounds in 29 minutes of play.
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